


ROTC

by mrsmelchiorgabor



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2057394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsmelchiorgabor/pseuds/mrsmelchiorgabor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: (au) Ian as an ROTC leader and Mickey being a pissed off parent so he goes down to have a "talk" with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Mickey was reading the paper in the kitchen when he heard the front door open. Yev always came by after his ROTC sessions on Thursday afternoons to see him. His son was usually in a good mood, but today he entered the room looking pretty downcast.

'What's up kid?'

Yev shrugged, opening the fridge and grabbing some juice. ‘Session was shitty,’ he said dully.

Mickey immediately got on his defence. ‘What happened? Somebody say something to you? Somebody hurt you?’

Yev came to sit opposite his father. ‘Just…these guys. It’s like they always have it out for me. I don’t expect them to be really nice or anything, I mean, it’s ROTC. But this is…something else.’

'What do they do?'

Yev’s eyes flickered to the table.

'They say stuff. About Mom.'

Mickey frowned. ‘What the fuck do they say about her?’

'They call her a - a whore. A slut,' he said sadly. 'And they said I was an accident. They said I was a - an actual son of a bitch.'

Mickey sighed. ‘You know they’re just stupid idiots, right? Bored with their own dumb lives so they have to pick apart yours? We both know your Mom’s not a bitch.’

'That's what I said. I said, don't call my Mom a bitch. And then,' he looked at Mickey, 'they said they didn't mean my Mom when they said that. They - they meant my Dad,' he said quietly.

Mickey didn’t say anything. He froze.

'Dad, I know you're gay,' Yev said gently.

He still didn’t say anything. ‘I, uh, I gotta go out,’ he said, voice tight and monotonous. He stood up to leave, to run away from this. Just like he did when he was seventeen. But Yev tugged on his arm and made him sit down again.

'No, we have to talk about this. Please,' Yev begged. Mickey finally made himself meet his son's eyes. They were full of worry and care. So Mickey sat down again.

'How did you know? Your Mom say something?'

Yev shook his head. ‘I’m sixteen, Dad, I’m not stupid. I see when guys come here, and I know they’re not ‘checking the pipes’ like you used to tell me. I see random shit lying around the house that doesn’t belong to us, and I know a guy left it here. I understand the innuendo-laced jokes that Mom and Mandy throw at you. And last year I - I accidentally found your DVDs,’ he said, embarrassed.

'What?'

'The porn, Dad. All guy-on-guy. I watched a bit of one, I was curious. Didn't really do much for me, but if it does it for you, that's fine, Dad. It's cool. I don't care as long as you're alright. And you're happy. I'm still your son and I still love you,' Yev told him.

'Kinda feel like it's the parent who's supposed to say that stuff when their kid comes out to them. Not the other way around,' Mickey said. But he pulled Yev into a firm hug. 'Thanks.'

'So anyway. I couldn't stand to hear them talk about you and Mom like that. They called you…all sorts. But then they just kept chanting the same stuff over and over. Same word. Faggot' He mumbled, hating the word.

'Well it's not like I've not heard it before.'

'Well I hadn't. Not in that context,' Yev said glumly. 'It was on the walk home. They live a few streets over so it's mostly the same route. They just kept shouting it, about you. And I hated it, I hated hearing them talk about you like that. It's not even bad, it's not one of your faults…why do they call you out on that instead of for something real?'

'People can be really fucking awful, Yev,' Mickey told him. 'Believe me.'

'And it was that, along with everything about Mom. I started crying. I couldn't help it.'

'I told you to never let people see you cry. They use it against you.'

'Yeah, they did. They kicked me.'

'They fucking hurt you?'

'Yeah because I - I tried to stand up to them.'

'Well that was never gonna work. One of you and how many of them?'

'Four.'

'Exactly. What'd you do, try and hit them?'

'No. I wouldn't do that. I - I told them that my dad liking what he likes don't make him a bitch,' Yev explained.

Mickey felt his heart glowing with pride and almost felt tearful. He couldn’t think of what to say. He just clasped his son’s hand and laughed. ‘You really are my fucking son, aren’t you.’

Yev smiled. They were quiet for a moment. Then Mickey stood up. ‘Ok. I’m going to get Indian for dinner.’ Yev grinned. ‘Yeah yeah, I know it’s your favourite. You deserve it, kid,’ Mickey said, leaning to kiss him.

'Get samosas too?' Yev asked.

'Sure. Back in a bit. Hey, do your homework, yeah? I don't want your Mom saying I'm too easy going.'

Yev laughed. ‘Like anyone could ever think that.’

Mickey smiled and left.

-

He did go to the Indian restaurant and place an order, but they told him it wouldn’t be ready for nearly an hour. So he sat in the waiting area for a couple of minutes, flicking absently through a magazine. Then he knew he had to do something about those fucking neighbourhood assholes. So he pocketed his order number and was out the door, charging back the way he’d come.

He wasn’t intending on going after the kids directly. Sure when he was younger, he’d have gone straight to their place and bashed them a little to show them who was boss. But now he was an adult and he wouldn’t get away with it. And he didn’t want to set that kind of example to Yev. He didn’t want his son to grow up thinking that violence was always the solution like he himself had done for a long time. Too long.

So instead he headed for the ROTC centre, hoping that someone would be there he could talk to.

It was pretty empty. Most of the staff had left. The receptionist was still there though. ‘Can I help you?’

'Yeah, I need to speak to whoever runs the 16-18 group. My son's in it. Yevgeny Milkovich.'

'Let's see…you need Ian Gallagher. I don't think he's gone home yet. Try the office down the hall and to the left. His name's on the door.'

'Thank you,' Mickey nodded at her and made his way to this Ian Gallagher's office and knocked on the door.

'It's open,' came his voice. So Mickey stepped inside. 'Can I help you?' Mickey was initially taken aback by how young he was. He thought the young army guys were all fighting in some war somewhere, and the old ones were left here to run youth programmes like this. And not only was Ian Gallagher young, but he was fucking gorgeous. 'Sir?' Mickey realised he'd just been staring at the man in silence for maybe a little too long.

'Yes. My son is a member. Yevgeny.'

Ian smiled. ‘Yes, Milkovich. He’s fantastic. Dedicated, loyal, talented. He could have a real future here. One of the best we’ve got.’

'That's great, but he got home an hour ago and turns out he's having a rough time.'

Ian raised his eyebrows. ‘Well I’m sorry to hear that. Something I did?’

Mickey shook his head. ‘No, it’s nothing to do with you. He thinks you’re great, actually. Really respects you. No, this is some other kids in the group. Messing with him. Giving him shit he doesn’t deserve.’

Ian couldn’t help but smirk at his cursing. ‘And what, ah, shit would that be?’

'They're saying things to him. Mean things.' He paused. 'Look, his Mom used to be a prostitute. I don't know how they found that out, but either way, they're insulting her, and him. Calling her names. And obviously he's upset. It's his Mom.'

Ian nodded. ‘I’m sorry. Clearly they’re doing it out of earshot but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel responsible for it happening. You and your wife must be very annoyed.’

Mickey hesitated. Normally he’d just go with it or lie by omission. But not this time. Not to this guy. ‘Actually I’m gay. We’re on good terms but she’s nothing more than a friend. Although yeah, she’s gonna be pissed when she hears.’

Ian nodded, taking it in stride, but Mickey didn’t miss the way the corners of his mouth turned upwards ever so slightly.

Mickey continued, ‘and the kids know too, and when they stopped using Yev’s mother to torture him, they moved on to me. Look, I can handle it when it’s said to my face, but when they’re saying it to my son? That’s not ok. At all.’

'I understand. Truly. I'm going to do something about this. You're right. No-one should have to deal with shit like that,' Ian smiled at Mickey as he swore.

'Yeah. Well. Forgive me for not having a great deal of faith. From experience, I guess you're just gonna give them a slap on the wrist, if that,' he said, getting up to leave. Ian swiftly walked around the desk, blocking Mickey's exit.

'I'm absolutely not going to be apathetic about this. I take sexism and homophobia very seriously,' Ian told him, gradually closing space between himself and Mickey.

'And how do I know you're not just saying that?' Mickey asked, also drawing closer to Ian.

Ian paused, and then grinned as he leaned in to kiss Mickey, hard. They kissed roughly for a moment, before Mickey broke away. ‘Seriously?’ Ian nodded, and Mickey laughed, taking off his shirt.

Ian quickly undressed too, reaching around Mickey to lock the door. He kissed him again, moaning. ‘Shit, I can’t get enough of your lips,’ he murmured between kisses.

'You ain't seen nothing yet,' Mickey said, as he dropped to his knees and practically ripped Ian's boxers off. 'Fuck,' he whispered, before taking him in his mouth. Ian's hand rested on the back of his head and they settled into a rhythm. But before Mickey could finish him, Ian pulled away. Mickey looked up at him questioningly, but Ian shook his head.

'I want to fuck you,' he said breathlessly, pulling Mickey up and pinning him against the desk in one motion. He leaned back, reaching for his wallet and retrieving a condom. Mickey barely had time to focus before Ian was inside him. He didn't ease in or prep him, nothing. Just right in all at once. He knew what he wanted and Mickey liked that. A lot.

'Shit, Gallagher,' he groaned, feeling Ian hit all the right notes. This guy, this damn guy…Mickey knew it was the best sex he'd had in a long while. Maybe the best sex ever. Ian had an arm wrapped around his waist, and Mickey grabbed his hand, mashing their fingers together as Ian stifled a yell by biting his shoulder.

When he came, it was fucking glorious.

Their movements slowed, as Ian kissed Mickey’s neck, then jawline. It was softer now, gentler. He slid out so that Mickey could turn and kiss him properly. ‘That was…pretty amazing,’ Mickey whispered. Ian smiled. ‘You do this with every pissed off Dad who comes in here?

'Of course not,' Ian said. 'Only the gay ones,' he added with a grin. Mickey laughed. 'Which is, so far, just you.'

'I'm glad about that.' Ian cocked his head curiously.

'Why are you glad?'

Mickey shrugged. ‘Just am.’

They slowly began putting their clothes back on. ‘Hey, Ian. You think maybe…maybe I could see you again?’

'I'll see you in your dreams,' Ian replied, grinning. Mickey looked blank. 'You never watched Queer as Folk? What kind of homosexual are you?'

'The kind that fucks guys.' Ian laughed.

'Look, do you want to get a drink sometime or not?' Mickey asked.

'I thought that usually happened before intercourse,' he said.

Mickey laughed. ‘Who the fuck calls it intercourse?’ Ian smiled.

'A drink sounds good. Here's my number,' he said, grabbing a scrap of paper and scribbling down his digits. 'Call me?'

Mickey took the paper. ‘Yeah. Definitely.’ He opened the door and glanced back at Ian, who kissed him lightly. ‘Later.’

-

Mickey walked into his house and dumped the bags of food on the table. ‘Sorry it took so long. They had a lot of orders.’

'S'fine. Mandy's here,' Yev said.

'Hey big brother,' his sister waved from where she was perched on the kitchen counter.

'What are you doing here?'

'Nice to see you too. Jesus. I was returning your toolbox.'

'Oh, yeah. Thanks.' Mickey said, going to hug her and greet her properly.

'So Yev tells me the cat's out of the bag. The cat being you.'

'Turns out he already knew. But…yeah.'

'It was still great that you admitted it to him. And talked about it. I know…I know you could never do that with any of our family.'

'Did you never tell them?' Yev asked.

'Oh, I told them alright. It was your christening. I fucking yelled it across the Alibi.'

'So…your whole family was there?'

Mickey nodded. ‘Whole family and then some. Aside from Mandy. She was at work.’

'Don't fucking remind me,' she said. 'I've always regretted taking that extra shift.'

'What happened?' Yev asked.

Mandy looked at Mickey sadly.

Mickey looked at his son for a second before answering. ‘My Dad beat the shit out of me. He just started screaming and charging at me. Like a fucking bull. He pinned me down on the floor and hit me, and he kept hitting me. He was so much bigger than me. I couldn’t move. And there was nobody there to get him off of me. Eventually he knocked me unconscious.’

'And then I get a call from the police. They'd taken Dad away and Mickey was I'm the hospital. I get there as fast as I can. He's in a coma. Broken arm, fractured collarbone. Nose totally smashed. Face covered in bruises and blood. I just sat there, crying over him, wondering why Dad would do this to him. Eventually I realised. I know what made Dad fly off the handle. And I'd had my suspicions about Mickey but never dwelled on them. But then it all made sense.'

'When I woke up, the police came to talk to me. They told me what had happened. He'd kept beating me even after I blacked out. And he wasn't sorry.' Mickey looked up at his son. Yev was pale and his eyes were heavy with tears. Mickey was about to go hug him, when Yev stood up and came over to him and stood beside him.

He wrapped his arms around his father, crying into his shoulder. ‘I can’t believe that happened to you,’ Yev sobbed. Mickey held on to him, trying not to cry himself, trying to be strong for his son. He hadn’t seen Yev cry for years. ‘Dad that’s…horrific. I know why you always changed the subject when I asked about your family. I can’t - Dad - you could’ve died,’ he choked.

'Yeah but I didn't. I didn't. And I'm so fucking glad he didn't kill me because I got to raise you. You're the most important thing. You're the only important thing I've ever had in my life. Everything else before you were born was just buildup. I know I'm not father of the year or whatever but I try my best. Because - I know what it's like when your dad doesn't give a shit. I know what it's like when your dad makes your life a living hell. That's why I hate it when you're annoyed or upset with me, even over something small or stupid, because I hate the idea that I've made you feel even remotely how my dad made me feel. And ever since I can remember, I've just been so fucking scared, Yev, that I'm going to become my father,' Mickey said quietly.

His son pulled back and looked at him. ‘Dad, no. You’re the best Dad. Ok? It doesn’t matter that you’re not rich, that you never finished school, that you’re not some cookie-cutter doctor or lawyer father with a wife and white picket fence. You’re the best Dad because you’re always here for me, no matter what. I can tell you anything. You help me with schoolwork, you come to my parent teacher conferences. Even though you and Mom aren’t together, you make sure that this is never a broken home. But most of all, Dad, you have never hurt me, and I never question the fact that you love me. And I - I love you too.’

'Shit,' Mickey muttered, wiping away his tears. 'Come here,' he said, hugging him tightly. Yev was almost taller than he was. 'I'm sorry I never told you. I was worried it would fuck you up. And then as you got older I was worried you wouldn't respect me or you'd hate me.'

'I understand why you couldn't tell me. It's ok. It's not about me. This is who you are.'

They all stood in silence for a minute or so. Then Mandy offered to reheat the food, and they all ate together, laughing and joking like usual.

Afterwards, as Mickey was clearing the table, Yev suddenly spoke. ‘Where is your Dad?’

Mickey paused, and looked at Mandy. After a moment, he spoke. ‘He’s in prison. He got twenty years.’

Yev frowned. ‘So he’s getting out in four years? If it happened when I was a baby?’

'He got five more years because of bad behaviour, a few years back. But then that got reduced to two and a half. So he gets out in about six years. Provided it doesn't change again,' Mandy explained.

'Are you scared?'

'Yes.' Micky's single word hung densely in the air.

'Will they give him a restraining order or something?'

'Probably. But knowing him, that won't work.' There was a pause. Mickey saw the angry, determined look on his son's face. 'Hey, do not go looking for him. Under any circumstances. Ok?'

'I won't,' Yev agreed. But that was one promise he probably wouldn't keep.

-

A little over a week later, Yev rolled out of bed. Saturday morning was when he went running, and he immediately pulled on some clothes. He’d shower when he got back, but he needed to pee. He walked down the hall towards the bathroom, but saw it was locked. He could hear his Dad peeing, so he leaned against the wall and waited. After a moment, he heard the toilet flush and then the door opened. His mouth dropped open. He was face to face with his ROTC instructor. His shirtless ROTC instructor.

'Morning, Milkovich,' Ian said simply, grinning at him cheerfully.

Yev just watched him walk back towards his Dad’s room, still in disbelief. His instructor was gay? And he was dating his Dad? His head was spinning.

But then he smiled. He realised that his Dad wasn’t hiding this stuff from him anymore. And that was fucking great.

// please like/comment and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


	2. Chapter 2

note: when Svetlana and Yevgeny are talking, they’re talking in Russian. I just haven’t specified it in the fic, but that’s how I imagine them, and I imagine Mickey and Svetlana raising him to be bilingual. Russian is spoken at his mother’s house and English at his father’s house.

Since last week, Yev hadn’t stopped thinking about what his Dad and Mandy had told him. About his grandfather. His grandfather almost killing his Dad. He still felt sick when he imagined what it must’ve been like.

Even though his Dad had specifically told him to not go looking for his grandfather, Yev intended to - for the first time in his life - go against his father’s wishes.

He was interrupted in his thoughts by his Mom knocking at his bedroom door and calling, ‘Can I come in?’

'Yeah, sure,' he said back, returning his attention to his English essay.

She entered his small bedroom. He didn’t mind its size. He had two bedrooms. And he’d never known different. She came to sit on the bed, and he spun his desk chair around to face her. ‘Your Dad says that he told you. That he’s gay.’

Yev nodded. ‘I sort of already knew. But yes. He’d never said it to me before.’

Svetlana nodded. ‘He also said that you know about his father.’

'He and Mandy told me.'

She noticed how downcast he looked upon thinking about it. ‘Are you alright? It’s a lot to think about. I was there. It was awful. I can still remember it. All too well,’ she shuddered.

'I can't believe he's been carrying that around with him all this time. When he told me, I understood why he'd kept all of it a secret from me. I hate his father. I hate him,' Yev said quietly.

'I understand. I hate him too. But you need to know that you don't have reason to worry. It's over. Don't try to find him or contact him. Promise me.'

'Why are you all convinced I'm going to try and find this bastard?'

She smiled. ‘Because you’re a Milkovich.’

Yev rolled his eyes. ‘Right.’

There was a pause. Then Svetlana stood up and kissed him gently, and began to leave.

'Honestly Mom, I don't know why Dad thought I'd care that he's gay. I've always known about you. And he knew that. So why did he think I'd react badly? I'd never…why?'

She turned back, considering his question. ‘I know your Dad quite well, but there’s a lot about him that I don’t understand. That fear he had, about you, it was so irrational, and I told him so many times. But he’s always had to hide. He’s not used to being open.’

Yev nodded. ‘Hey, Mom? Thank you for always making me feel safe. And loved.’

She smiled. ‘I’m your mother. It’s my job.’ Yev smiled back as she left, closing the door behind her.

As soon as he heard her footsteps go down the stairs, he took out his phone, searching for the number he wanted and calling.

'Hello?'

'Hey Gem. It's Yev. Listen, can I come over later? I need to use your laptop.'

'Sure, no problem. Mom and Dad are going out. Amy's getting pizza on her way home, can you score us some beers?'

'Absolutely. But not too many. Gotta have our heads in the game tonight.'

'Did you just quote high school fucking musical? Not that I'm knocking a noughties classic, but still…I didn't have you down as a fan of that.'

'I know you're in love with Zac Efron.'

'In that movie? Hell yes. Not now though. He's, like, old.'

Yev laughed. ‘I’ll see you later.’

-

'So what are you trying to find?' Gemma asked, coming to sit beside him at the table.

'My grandfather,' Yev answered, as the laptop whirred into action.

'Like a family tree thing?' Amy asked as she came in from the lounge.

'Like a revenge thing,' he corrected.

'What did he do?'

Yev considered for a second. ‘Turns out my Dad is gay. And when I was a baby, he came out. Tried to, anyway. And his Dad bashed him. Nearly killed him.’

The twins looked at each other, horrified. They could tell he was holding back on telling them more fully, which was proof of just how bad it had to have been. They were best friends and rarely kept anything from one another.

Gemma grabbed the laptop. ‘What’s the fucker’s name?’ she asked angrily, opening google.

'I don't know. They've never referred to him by name.'

'Well that's helpful.'

'Try googling Milkovich,' Amy suggested. They did, but there were too many results.

'Maybe we should be checking police records. Can you do that?' Yev asked.

'You said he's in prison? They tell you which prison?' Yev shook his head. 'They tell you the state?' He shook his head again.

'Jesus. They really don't want you to find him.' They all thought for a few minutes.

'I guess it makes sense, your Dad being gay,' Amy said. 'I remember being at your place and seeing guys sometimes.'

'You didn't see through that? The random guys in the house were the biggest giveaway,' Yev said, laughing.

'He told me,' Gemma revealed. 'Few years ago. He saw that I looked pretty down and distracted, asked me if anything was wrong. It was back when I was starting to realise that I was gay…eventually I just burst into tears and it came out. I came out. And he was clearly a little surprised but he was actually really great. He gave me good advice, said all the right things. And within that, he told me he was gay too. Asked me not to tell anyone, and I asked the same of him.'

'Wait, you've known all this time?' Amy exclaimed.

'I couldn't tell you. Either of you. It wouldn't have been fair to him.'

'It's cool. Don't worry about it,' Yev assured her. Then there were footsteps on their stairs.

'You're gorgeous, Vee, come out of the bathroom and let's go!' Kevin yelled as he entered. 'Oh, hey Yev. What are you kids up to?'

'Watching funny YouTube videos,' Amy lied smoothly as she opened a new tab. Then their front door opened, distracting Kev.

'Are you guys ready?' Yev glanced up and saw Fiona Gallagher and her husband Jimmy. He didn't really know her but he'd seen her around here a lot. She lived a couple of doors down.

'Two minutes Fi!' came Veronica's voice from upstairs.

'Same as always,' Jimmy said, laughing.

'So how'r things?' Kev asked.

'Not much…Lip's made some sort of breakthrough in his research. None of us understand what it is, but apparently it's good. Liam switched majors again…not much else I can think of.'

'Ian started seeing a new guy,' Jimmy interjected.

'That's great! It's been over a year, right?' Kev asked.

Fiona nodded. ‘That last guy really did a number on him. I mean, I’m not stupid, there’s been a few dates, casual short term things, and some one night stands along the way - but it’s been two weeks now and he’s seen him six times. This could be something more,’ she said.

'You know who it is? Anyone we know?'

Jimmy answered, ‘he wouldn’t tell us the name, but Ian said it was the Dad of one his ROTC kids. This guy just showed up in his office and things developed from there, I guess.’

'Translation: he fucked him over the desk,' Kev grinned.

'Hey, that's my little brother!' Fiona laughed.

'Just be glad it's not my dad,' Jimmy said.

'Oh shit,' Yev exclaimed, putting the pieces together. They all turned to look at him. 'Sorry. But…I'm pretty sure that your brother is seeing my Dad.'

Fiona laughed. ‘What?’

'Ian Gallagher? That's your brother? Yeah. He's my ROTC instructor. He's seeing my dad.'

'Uncle Ian?!' Amy and Gemma exclaimed together.

'With Mickey fucking Milkovich?' Veronica shouted as she came downstairs.

'Wow. I just - wow,' stuttered Fiona.

They were all staring at Yev, who wished he’d kept his mouth shut.

// please like/comment and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


	3. Chapter 3

Mickey was boiling a pot of water for pasta, when his phone rang. ‘Hello?’

'Dad?'

'What's up, son?'

'I'm so sorry but I kind of outed you to Kev and V.'

He laughed. ‘They’ve known for years. Kev was there the day I came out.’

'Well…Fiona Gallagher was there too. Mr Gallagher's sister? With her husband. They mentioned that he's been seeing someone and I put two and two together, and blurted it out. I'm sorry, Dad, I swear,' he told him. Mickey was quiet for a minute. 'I'm sorry,' he repeated.

'How did they react?' he asked quietly.

'They were surprised…all of them. They seem to think it's an unlikely pairing.'

'Well. They're not wrong. I suppose.'

'They're not mad, they're not going to say anything, do anything…it's just unexpected. But nonetheless. It's my fault.'

'No, no,' Mickey hurried to say, 'it's fine. It was all gonna to come out sooner or later. No pun intended.'

'You're not mad?'

'Oh god, Yev, no. Please don't ever think I'm mad at you, ok? Honestly I can't imagine ever being mad at you. Least of all for something that's hardly a big deal.'

Yev breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Ok. I’ll see you later.’

'Be back by eleven, yeah?'

'It's Friday…'

'Ok. Midnight.'

'I'm not fucking Cinderella.'

'Fine, fine…just no later than one or your Mom'll kill me. And we both know how much you used to love watching that,' he added.

'Oh my god Dad, please shut up,' Yev said, but he was laughing. 'Hey, um, Gem told me that you were sort of there for her, back when she was conflicted and all that. That was - really great of you. I know how hard it all was for her. Thank you for looking out for my friend.'

'It's nothing. What was I gonna do, leave her clueless in the dark hating herself, like I was at her age? I've known her since she was tiny. Least I could do,' Mickey said, like it was no big deal - because in some ways it wasn't - but he knew what it meant to his son. 'Have fun, kid.'

'Ok. Bye.' Yev hung up and walked back into the front room. They were all still there, but seemed to have moved on to new topics of discussion. He was glad.

'Your Dad ok?' Amy asked as he sat down with them again.

'Yeah. He's fine with them knowing. He knows they didn't react badly.

'Right, we're leaving,' Kev said, coming to kiss his daughters goodbye, and ruffling Yev's hair.

'And no funny business while we're gone,' Veronica added.

'Mom, we're just friends,' Gemma said indignantly.

'Sweetie, you're gay, I wasn't talking to you,' she said, shooting Yev and Amy a glance. They laughed. Ever since they were little, their parents used to joke that the girls would be fighting over Yev one day. When Gemma came out, they started insisting that Amy and Yev would end up married. But the kids themselves had never wanted to be anything more than friends.

-

'So,' Mickey said as he stuck his phone back in his pocket, you told your family about me?'

Ian smiled. ‘Of course. I tell them everything. They’re very important to me,’ he answered.

'Mine too,' Mickey said. 'Not my parents. But my sister, my son, his Mom. They're my family.'

'My parents aren't in the picture either,' Ian told him. 'Why'd you ask, anyway?'

'Oh, my son is over at Kev and V's. He's friends with their girls.'

'Amy and Gem. They're great. The three of them must be around the same age, right?'

'Born within a month or so of each other. Same class at school.'

'That's sweet.'

'Yeah. We always used to tease them, saying they'd be battling over who got to date Yev,' Mickey remembered.

Ian laughed. ‘Bet Gemma ending up a lesbian kinda messed up that plan.’

'Nah. We just make new plans,' Mickey said, swigging his beer. Ian smiled and leaned into him.

'I told them because…I know it's only been a few weeks but this feels different. Special. You're different, you're - you're special.' Mickey didn't say anything. 'Shit I'm sorry. Did I freak you out?Sorry,' Ian said quickly.

'No, Ian. I'm not - I'm just trying to get my head around it,' Mickey said quietly.

'Around what?'

'That somebody actually thinks I'm special. That - that somebody actually wants me. For more than just sex. I've never had that. You're just…you're amazing, Ian, and I can't believe you're here with me. I didn't think this would ever happen for me. That you could exist,' he said softly, almost tearful.

Ian laced his fingers through Mickey’s. ‘I don’t quite know what happened to you to make you think that you’re no good. Or that you’re not worth it. Because I think you’re pretty fucking wonderful. And I want you. Not just the you between the sheets - which is incredible, by the way - but I also want the you who I can talk with for hours. The you who is on my mind all day. The you who is the greatest father I’ve ever seen. The you who cooks for me. You. All of you. I only wish I’d met you years ago.’ Ian told him, kissing him gently.

'Trust me, if we'd been hooking up when I was younger, we wouldn't have made it. I'd have kept you hidden, like some dirty secret. And I could never have been myself for you. I'd never have been enough. I still don't think I could ever be enough for anyone.'

Ian just stared at him in disbelief. ‘Ok. Ok. I can tell you’ve got some demons. I have too. You don’t have to tell me, I’m not asking you to. But don’t ever think you’re not enough. You’re enough for me. You’re more than enough.’

Mickey didn’t know how to handle what he was feeling. So he just buried his face into Ian’s chest and felt the man’s arms around him. Ian kissed the top of his head softly. And Mickey talked into Ian’s heart with his eyes closed. ‘Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder why I’ve never found love. And sometimes I’m convinced that I’ll never know what love is. And - and sometimes I’m so certain that all the shit I’ve been through has just left me too cold and hard to ever love anyone.’

'I'm so sorry that you feel like this. You don't deserve to. You deserve to know love.' Mickey didn't say anything. 'I plan on sticking around. Because I like you a lot. Because I feel like I could really love you, in time. I told my family because I think this, you and me, we could be something. We could last.'

'Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that,' Mickey said, coming up to kiss Ian. He stroked his face gently. 'You're like nobody I've ever known,' he murmured. Ian smiled.

'Same to you,' he replied. They kissed again, really breathing each other in. Mickey had never laid himself bare like that before. But Ian made him feel so safe. 'Is something burning?' Ian asked after a moment.

'Oh shit,' Mickey ran to the kitchen to save their dinner.

'And I was just saying how great it is when you cook for me!' Ian yelled after him.

'Fuck off!' Mickey shouted humourously as he salvaged the sauce.

-

After the adults had left, they resumed their Internet searching.

'Ok. He lived in Chicago, right? He's got to be on some Chicago PD records, surely,' Amy said.

'Can we even access those?' wondered Gemma.

'Wait,' Yev murmured, putting the pieces together in his head. 'Mandy lives in the house where they grew up. Her and my Dad. Their childhood home. My Dad had to get out of there, but Mandy just never left.'

'You think there could be some clues? You want to break in?' Gemma said excitedly.

'This isn't fucking Pretty Little Liars,' Amy rolled her eyes.

'Don't knock that show! It's brilliant!' Gemma retorted.

'It's on season fucking twenty and they are still in high school! And they still don't know who A is!' Amy exclaimed.

'Oh my god not this again!' Yev sighed.

'Right, yeah. Sorry.'

'I don't think she'd have anything. I've spent loads of time there. I'd have seen if she had stuff lying around. If she does have anything, it's hidden pretty well. Probably a dead end. Sorry.' Yev apologised.

'No…wait,' Gemma thought for a second. 'If your grandfather was a registered felon, surely something will come up if we search the house's address?'

Yev grinned broadly at her. ‘You’re fucking brilliant,’ he said, reaching for the keyboard.

'You should add Milkovich to the search,' Amy interjected.

'Already did,' he said, and pressed enter. And then they started to get somewhere.

'Is it Iggy? Terry? Joe?' Amy wondered, reading the various names that popped up, associated with all manner of crimes. Yev clicked on a few sites and scanned the information.

'I think it's…Terry? Iggy and Joe seem too young,' he muttered, reading an old article.

'Who are they?'

He was quiet for a moment. ‘I think they might be Dad’s brothers.’ The girls exchanged glances. ‘I guess they wanted nothing to do with one another. I know it’s not them, anyway, look - it says Iggy just got released after a two year sentence, and Joe’s just been put away for five. Nothing on Terry since, like, 2014. Year I was born.’ He paused. ‘That’s gotta be him.’

'Search his name, now that we have it,' Amy suggested.

Yev’s fingers hovered over the keys a moment before he managed to type. When he did, they were overloaded with results. But they saw one near the top, which told them he was doing time at Ohio State Penitentiary. ‘That’s pretty far,’ Gemma commented.

'It's a really high security prison. For the most dangerous ones,' Yev read from wikipedia. He went back to the search results.

'Wait, what's that one?' Gemma clicked on a link, and they found themselves face to face with a white supremacist website. 'Oh my…god,' she muttered, as they all read the article about Terry. The sympathetic, positive article that praised him for his 'valiant efforts'. Yev wanted to throw up.

'He's in the fucking Aryan brotherhood?' Yev could barely believe his eyes. 'I'm related to a fucking Nazi?'

'Family is defined by love, not by blood. And you don't love him, so it's ok,' Amy said firmly.

'No, it's not…this makes everything so much worse. I just figured he was a major homophobe, and probably a drunk…that would have been bad enough. But this? I can't imagine what my Dad and Mandy were going through. How they lived through that. Jesus.'

'Us three are really lucky, aren't we?' Gemma said quietly. 'Seriously, think of all the luck you got. We've never known anything like that. We've never known anything but parents who love us and accept us. They've never made us feel unsafe or hated in our own homes…this is why, Yev, this is why your Dad always tries so hard. Because of the way he grew up.'

They were all silent for a few minutes as Yev returned to google and scrolled through Terry’s many crimes. Assault. Theft. Rape. Arson. Manslaughter. Drugs. Drink. Vandalism. It all kept repeating.

Finally, Amy spoke. ‘Yev, I think he’s really dangerous. This isn’t a couple of DUIs or a few grams. This is seriously messed up. I think they were right. You should stay away from him.’

'I can't. I can't let this go. I have to see him.'

'And how are you going to get to Ohio?'

'I guess we'll figure that out. If you're in?'

The twins exchanged glances. ‘I don’t know,’ Amy said doubtfully.

'Well I am. For sure,' Gemma said, squeezing his hand supportively.

'You've still got time to change your mind. We're not going tonight,' he laughed.

'I'll think about it,' Amy said. 'Now, can we please watch a movie?'

'Yeah, Aunt Debbie just lent us the Friends movie,' Gemma said, searching for it near the television.

'Didn't that only come out, like, a month ago? Isn't it still in the cinemas?' Yev asked.

'Yeah, I'm pretty sure Jimmy got it on the black market,' Amy explained as Gemma loaded the movie.

They all settled on the sofa, Yev in the middle, pizza on the coffee table.

'Still can't believe how long it took them to make this,' Amy said through a mouthful.

'Jen is still hot though. Courtney too,' Yev commented.

'Agreed,' said Gemma.

The theme music played and they stopped talking.

// please like/comment and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


	4. Chapter 4

// oh my gosh guys first of all I'm blown away by the responses to this, but also I am SO sorry, I uploaded the wrong chapter as chapter 4. I've fixed it, please read this chapter! what was previously chapter 4 is actually chapter 5. I'm sorry!!! argh. This here is the REAL chapter 4, enjoy :) //

'Coming!' Svetlana yelled as she bolted down the stairs to answer the door. 'Oh, hey,' she said, opening it to see Mickey.

He stepped inside and kissed her cheek in greeting as he removed his coat. ‘How are you?’

She shrugged as she led him inside. ‘Not much. I have about eighty final exam papers to grade…so that’s my weekend gone,’ she told him. Svetlana taught Russian at the University of Chicago, and had been doing so since Yev was two. 

'That sucks,' Mickey said sympathetically. 'Need me to take Yev off your hands? So you can focus?'

'He's not a child anymore,' she smiled sadly. 'Although I suppose he will be bored just sitting around quietly the whole time. He stays with you most weekends anyway, it's no problem,' she shrugged. She poured them both some coffee and stirred thoughtfully. 'Are you worried about him?'

'How do you mean?'

'He seems like he's hiding something. I don't know.'

'I've noticed him being a little quieter, I guess. Didn't think much of it. Why? You worried?'

Svetlana thought for a moment. ‘I’m worried that he’s trying to find him.’ She paused. ‘Terry.’

Hearing his name felt like a punch in the throat. ‘I told him not to. He wouldn’t,’ Mickey said quietly. 

'Well he only started acting like this after he found out,' Svetlana reasoned. 'I'm not saying you shouldn't have told him. I just think neither of us thought about how this would affect him. He talked to me about it a couple of weeks ago and he - he couldn't understand how you lived like that.' She paused. 'I'm not sure anyone did. I certainly didn't.'

Mickey’s face grew worried. ‘You think I shouldn’t have told him?’  
‘No. No, of course not. It wouldn’t have been right to keep it from him. Our son finding out was unavoidable,’ Svetlana assured him. She paused. ‘But he’s never to find out about - the day we first met.’ Mickey nodded in firm agreement. Right then, the door opened. Yev was home from school. ‘In the kitchen,’ she called.

He entered. ‘Oh, hey Dad,’ he greeted, surprised but happy to see him here. He went to kiss his mother and then hugged his father. ‘What’s going on?’ he asked uncertainly. 

Mickey glanced at Svetlana before he spoke. ‘We’re just a little worried. About how you’re dealing with - with what I told you last month.’

Svetlana interrupted, ‘I know we’ve both said this before, but you have no reason to worry. It happened a long time ago. But what you need to understand is that your grandfather is dangerous. Extremely dangerous. Contacting him, writing to him…or god forbid going to see him…anything. It would be a seriously bad idea. He is a piece of shit,’ she told him firmly. 

Mickey nodded. ‘What your Mom said.’ 

'I don't even know his name. And I don't want to go looking for him. I still hate him for what he did, though. I try not to think about it, but…sometimes it hits me and I feel so angry. And then I feel sad. It's - it's so much. And I've only known this a little over a month. You've been holding onto it for years,' Yev said. 

Mickey nodded. ‘Yeah. I know. But getting to see you grow up is one hell of a beautiful distraction. I did it, that day - I came out, for you, Yev. I didn’t want my Dad in our lives. I didn’t want your life to be fucked like mine was. And I knew that was the only way to drive him away for good.’

'Wow,' Yev said quietly. There was a pause. 'That still doesn't make it ok.'

'Of course not, but if we dwell on it too much, then he's won. And I'm not letting that happen. Focus on us, here, now. Me, you, your Mom. Our family. Ok?'

Yev nodded. ‘Mandy and Nika too?’ 

Mickey nodded. ‘Of course.’

Yev paused. ‘What about Mr Gallagher?’ he added with a sly grin. Mickey rolled his eyes. ‘Jesus Christ, it’s been one fucking month,’ he said, laughing. 

-

Ian was giving Yev a ride home after ROTC. ‘You doing ok?’ he asked Yev. 

'Yeah, good thanks. Hey, I wanted to say - thank you. I don't know what you did but the boys aren't giving me shit anymore.'

Ian smiled. ‘I have my ways. And you’re welcome.’

'And I also wanted to say thanks for - for being with my Dad. He's never had anybody like you in his life. He's never dated or had relationships before. And, y'know, he's my Dad, I love him and everything. I want him to be happy. So thanks.'

Ian didn’t know what to say. He was happy but overwhelmed with what the boy had said to him. 

'You two have a really good relationship, don't you?'

Yev nodded. ‘I guess.’

'My Dad's a piece of shit. You're lucky. And - thank you for saying that. I've never dated anyone with a kid before and I was worried you'd hate me or something. And since we sort of knew each other already, it could have been awkward. But it's not. Thank you for letting me into your home, your lives. Honestly, thank you.'

Yev nodded again. ‘It’s nothing. You’re great,’ he told Ian. 

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Ian spoke again. ‘Forgive me, I’m curious - but what’s it like having gay parents? Because I know your situation is pretty unique. Sorry if that’s too - you don’t have to answer,’ Ian said hastily. 

'Oh no, it's fine,' Yev said. 'Well I've always known my Mom was gay. I mean, when you're a kid you don't know what gay and straight is, but she's been with Nika my entire life, so I basically had two Moms. But Nika just wanted me to call her Nika so that I wouldn't get confused. I didn't think there was anything different about that until I started getting older and I started learning definitions and labels. I think when I was eight or nine I asked Mom and Nika what a lesbian was. Some kid at school had said my Moms were lesbians and I didn't know what that meant. I thought they meant their nationality,' Yev laughed, 'and I was insisting that Mom was from Russia and Nika was from Austria. But then they explained it to me, and that was that. As for Dad…I just assumed he was single for a long time. But ever since I can remember, there would occasionally be men showing up in the house, and Dad would always tell me they were checking the pipes. I spent years thinking that we had major plumbing issues,' he chuckled, 'but a few years ago I started to put two and two together. And then he told me.' Yev thought for a moment. 'I know my family isn't traditional. It isn't like other families. But it works for us and I've never felt unloved. So I think that's all that matters. I wouldn't ever change it. For me, to start living in one house with one Mom and one Dad just seems…so weird. And wrong. I have two Moms, and ten minutes away I have my Dad. That's just my life.'

'You're not like most sixteen year old boys, you know that?' Ian told him, amused. 'You're pretty mature, evolved.'

Yev shrugged. ‘I’m probably just a product of my parents and their gay agenda,’ he said, grinning.

Ian laughed, hard, almost swerving the car into the kerb. ‘Shit, Yev, don’t be so hilarious when I’m driving.’ 

They pulled up at the house and got out of the car. Mickey opened the door. ‘Hey guys,’ he said, kissing the top of Yev’s head and ruffling his hair, and then pulling Ian in for a hug and kissing him. 

'What's for dinner?' Yev asked from the front room. Mickey and Ian were still in the doorway. 

'Um,' Mickey focused, half his mind still on Ian's lips, 'chicken alfredo,' he said, taking Ian's hand and leading him into the front room. Ian's arms wrapped around his waist and Mickey leaned back instinctively into the taller man. Yev didn't bat an eye at any of it.

'Dad,' he said very seriously, 'I told you, I'm becoming a vegan.'

Mickey frowned. ‘What? Since when? What?’ Yev smiled. Mickey sighed, relieved. ‘Oh, you’re messing with me, huh? Just because last week I forgot Mandy had stopped eating meat, you’re gonna keep bringing it back to bite me in the ass?’

'Just my duty as your son,' Yev shrugged, laughing as he headed for the kitchen.

Ian leaned in to whisper, ‘I want to bite you in the ass later,’ to Mickey, who blushed, but smiled all the same. 

\- 

After dinner, Yev went upstairs to do homework. Mickey and Ian were on the couch. They’d been talking about random shit, and the tv was on, showing Friends reruns but they weren’t watching particularly avidly. 

'Yev is really great. You're lucky,' Ian told him. 

'Don't I know it, man,' Mickey agreed. 

Ian paused before talking. ‘You don’t have to answer me, but I’m curious. How did - how did he get conceived? Sorry if it’s too personal, it’s just…what you have is a pretty unique situation. Not bad, jut different.’

'It's fine. Honestly I was surprised you hadn't asked already.'

Yev was at the bottom of the stairs, on his way to Gem and Amy’s - but he paused, staying behind the wall, to let them have this moment uninterrupted. 

Mickey was considering how to answer. ‘Well. He realised that his Mom was once a prostitute, when he was around twelve or thirteen. And so we always told him that one night I’d gotten really drunk and my friends had dared me to sleep with her.’

'But that's not what happened?' Ian asked gently. 

Yev frowned. What was his Dad talking about?

'No. That's not what happened. I wish that was what happened.' Mickey was quiet for a moment, pinching his brow, eyes closed.

'It's ok,' Ian whispered.

'I was nineteen. And I was fucking this guy. On the couch back at my old house. Didn't even know the guy properly. We'd fucked a couple times before but that was all it was. Anyway. Dad was supposed to be away for the weekend. Otherwise I'd never have bought a guy into the house. But he came back early for some reason.'

'Oh shit,' Ian murmured.

'Yeah. He walked right in and saw us going at it. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. He pulled us apart and started pounding the shit out of me. The guy managed to make a run for it before Dad stopped him. Lucky. Dad was screaming in my face. I sort of stopped listening. It didn't feel real. And then he stopped. I was naked, laying on that couch. Blood streaked. And I thought it was over. But it wasn't. It fucking wasn't.' Mickey's head fell into his hands, hunched forwards. He was quiet, crying a little bit. 

Ian moved closer, wrapping an arm around him and holding him tight. ‘You’re alright…I’m here, I’m here,’ he whispered gently.

'So. My Dad takes out his phone. Says to send over the Russian. I don't know what the fuck that means. Next thing I know, this beautiful Russian prostitute is at the door. Never seen her before. My Dad ushers her in and tells her to fuck me. She isn't sure. I mean, I'm covered in blood and I'm crying. I can't speak but I'm shaking my head. She says no. My Dad - points his gun at her. Makes her. Makes her rape me. Ian it was fucking horrible. I can't - I never let myself think about it because I just get like this,' he said. His voice was quiet because his throat was so tight with hurt and rage. Tears were coursing down his face. 'Ian please - please can you just hold me a moment,' he whispered.

'Yeah,' Ian murmured, letting Mickey's head fall onto his own chest, 'c'mere,' he said softly. 'I'm starting to see, I think. Why you're the way you are. I never expected - anything like this. Shit,' he kissed the top of Mickey's head. 'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories…I had no idea.'

Mickey sat up a little to look at Ian. ‘No, it’s not your fault. I just - you know, I’ve mostly learned to live with it. I’ve been smashed up and broken a lot but I can’t ever get back to how I was. But I’ve accepted that.’ 

Ian took Mickey’s hand in his. ‘You’re the best fucking mosaic I’ve ever seen,’ he told him gently. ‘You were given the worst deal. Truly, you were. But you didn’t let it poison you and you didn’t let it all become a cycle. Because you’re the best father. You and Yev? That relationship is beautiful anyway. But considering everything you went through, and you’ve managed to come out the other side and be this amazing father…you’re incredible.’

Mickey couldn’t say anything. He just clung onto Ian’s hand and gave him a small smile. But then he glanced behind his boyfriend and saw Yev. Just standing there. ‘Yev?’

Ian spun around and, indeed, saw Mickey’s son.

'I heard everything,' Yev said, choked up. His face was streaked with tears. 

'You were never supposed to know. I didn't ever want you to know the truth about this. Oh shit,' Mickey sighed. 

Yev stood, unmoving. ‘But…when you look at me, all you see is pain,’ he cried. ‘I represent something horrific to you.’

'No, you don't. Yev I love you, I love you,' Mickey said firmly, getting up and coming over towards his son, who, for the first time in his life, backed away from his father.

'How can you love me? I was the product of the worst day of your life. I - I only exist because Terry made Mom rape you,' he choked. 

'Yev, please, you're my son. None of it's your fault, I could never - Yev how do you know his name?' Mickey suddenly realised. 'How do you know my Dad's name?'

Yev grabbed his jacket and opened the door, leaving. ‘I have to get out of here.’

'Please don't go, son, come back. Please,' Mickey shouted desperately after him. Yev was running and soon he was around the corner. Long gone. Mickey closed the door and slid down the wall and curled up his knees below his chin. 'Fuck. Fuck!' he exclaimed through angry sobs. 

// sorry again guys, hopefully the next chapter will make more sense now!! please like/comment and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


	5. Chapter 5

oh my gosh guys first of all I'm blown away by the responses to this, but also I am SO sorry, I uploaded this as chapter 4 and it was actually chapter 5. I've fixed it, please go back to read the previous (new) chapter! what was previously chapter 4 is actually chapter 5. I'm sorry!!! argh. This here is the REAL chapter 5, enjoy :)

Yev was running, tears streaming down his face, all the way to the south side. He arrived at Kev and Veronica’s, needing to see Gem and Amy, and pounded desperately on the door. Kev answered.

'Shit Yev, what happened?' he asked, concerned at his appearance. Gemma walked in from the front room and saw him. Yev stepped around Kev and collapsed onto Gemma, sobbing.

'Hey, it's ok…come on, sit down,' she said, leading him round the corner and towards the couch. Amy moved her schoolbooks and let Yev sit. After a minute of crying, he managed to speak.

'Terry walked in on my Dad fucking some guy. And he pistol whipped him. And then he called my Mom and he - he held them at gunpoint. Forced Mom to fuck him, even when he cried and shook his head, even when she said no. Forced - forced Mom to rape Dad. And that's how I was conceived. By rape. Fucking gunpoint rape,' he cried.

Kev exchanged a stricken glance with Veronica. ‘Did you know about this?’ she asked him quietly. Kev shook his head slowly.

'Mickey always said he'd gotten drunk and fucked Lana on a dare. He didn't want to talk about it much…fuck, why didn't he tell me? I'm his best friend…how's he been keeping that inside all this time? Shit,' Kev sighed.

'How can he even look at me?' Yev whispered.

Veronica quickly interjected. ‘Yev, it’s your Dad. He loves you. Look, I’m sure that maybe at first he found it hard. But I remember when you were a baby. He used to bring you by the Alibi and show you off. He wouldn’t have more than one beer when he was looking after you. Yev, I promise, your Dad has always loved you.’

'He didn't trust anyone else to hold you. He was so protective. If you so much as coughed, he'd take you to the doctor. He used to boil carrots and mash them himself because he didn't trust supermarket babyfood. Before your Mom started teaching at the university, she was broke and he paid her rent because he wanted you to have safety and stability. He stopped doing stuff like stealing and drug deals, and he got rid of all his weapons. He didn't want you around any of that. And I know he came out because he knew it would get Terry out of your life for good, and he didn't want Terry in your life. Ever. There's no question that he loves you. He loves you so much, Yev. Believe me.'

Yev was only half listening, just staring at his hands. His mind was in a thousand places. He was still crying. He turned to Gemma and Amy. ‘Are you two busy this weekend?’ They shook their heads. ‘We’re going. This weekend.’

'Where?' Veronica interrupted.

The teenagers glanced at each other. ‘Ohio,’ Amy said quickly.

'What's in Ohio?' Kev asked, frowning.

'The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,' Gemma blurted, at the exact same moment that Yev said, 'Columbus Zoo.'

Kev and V looked at them, eyebrows raised. Then Amy spoke, ‘we’ve been fighting over which one to go to. Gem wants the hall of fame, Yev wants the zoo…I’m the deciding vote but I don’t want to piss either of them off,’ she babbled.

'Oh, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, no question. There's a zoo here in Chicago, didn't you think of that?'

'That's true. We didn't think of that,' Yev said, playing along with Amy's flimsy save.

'Why don't we go upstairs…and pack?' Gemma suggested.

'You sure you're ok, Yev?' Kev asked, hand on his shoulder.

Yev nodded. ‘Yeah. I’ll be fine.’ They scurried upstairs, to Amy’s room.

'I still don't think we should do this!' Amy hissed at them.

'Are you kidding me? After what Yev just found out?' Gemma whispered back.

Yev, meanwhile, was on the twins’ laptop, figuring out travel options. ‘Flight’s obviously too expensive,’ he murmured.

'Check the greyhound site. Last summer I got to New York for like thirty bucks. Took forever on the bus but it's cheap,' Gemma suggested.

'Surely there's a train?' Amy wondered.

'We could get the bus to Indianapolis and then a train to Columbus. And then…another bus to the prison. It's gonna take ages,' he said dully.

'When's the next bus?' Gemma asked.

Yev consulted the timetable. ‘There’s one in forty five minutes. Next one’s not until tomorrow. Shit,’ he said.

Amy grabbed her schoolbag and started shoving clothes into it. The other two stared at her, confused. ‘We need to hurry if we’re going to make that bus,’ she said. Yev smiled. She’d changed her mind.

Gem darted across the hall, into her room. She called for Yev, so he followed. ‘There’s clean laundry at the top of the stairs. Grab some of my Dad’s stuff. It’ll be better than nothing,’ she said as she crammed socks into a backpack.

Yev nodded. When he’d picked out a couple of things, hoping Kev wouldn’t miss them for a few days, he went back to Gemma’s room. ‘I’ve just realised I only have twenty bucks on me. My wallet is back home,’ he told her worriedly.

'It's ok. Me and Amy can loan it to you.'

'You have enough cash?' She nodded.

'Thanks. And thanks for - coming with me. I know it's really far,' he said apologetically.

Gemma hugged him. ‘There’s no way we’re letting you do this alone. He’s a  
piece of shit.’

He just hugged her back, unable to find the words. Then Amy appeared in the doorway. ‘Guys, come on!’

They left, Yev in one of Amy’s jackets (he’d run out without grabbing one) and waving goodbye to Kev. Veronica was in the kitchen.

'Have fun!' Kev called after them. They left.

Veronica returned to the lounge. ‘Did they all go?’

'Yep. Must be a train to Ohio or something.'

Veronica frowned. ‘Kev it’s nearly eight PM, what train goes to Ohio at this time on a Friday night?’

'Relax, there's trains running until way later than this.'

'Not to Ohio. Do you have any idea how far that is? How long it would take?' Kev shook his head. Then his phone rang.

'Hold on,' he said to her, answering it. 'Hello?'

'Hey, it's Mickey.'

'Oh…hey,' Kev said, trying to act normal, but unable to shake what Yev had told him from his mind.

'Has Yev been at your place?'

'Yeah, he was here. Just left actually. He showed up crying and crying, he came inside and he - he told us.'

'He told you?' Mickey repeated, sounding worried.

'Yeah.'

They were both quiet. They both knew what Kev meant.

'Mick, I can't - I feel terrible. I just want to, I don't know. Hug you or something, shit, I don't know. How come you never said anything?'

Mickey was quiet. ‘Kev I can’t talk about this. I can’t. I hate reliving it.’

'Ok. Ok, I understand. Just know that I'm so sorry that you went through that,' he told his friend.

'Yeah. Thank you,' Mickey said, throat a little dry. 'Did Yev seem alright when he left?'

'I think so. He went upstairs with Gem and Amy for a bit, then they left for Ohio. Weekend trip or something.' Mickey was silent, but Kev could hear him breathing, quick and sharp. 'You still there?'

'Ohio,' Mickey repeated weakly. 'Oh my god,' he whispered.

'I thought you knew? Why are you so - oh fuck. Oh fuck, Mickey, tell me that's not where he is. Fuck!'

'What is it?' asked Veronica.

Kev looked at her, his face fearful. ‘Terry.’

Veronica gasped and snatched the phone from Kev. ‘Mickey, is it? Is that where he is? Mickey, answer me!’

'Hi, V? It's Ian. Mickey's just - he's in a pretty bad state.'

'You guys stay there. We're coming over,' she said, already grabbing her purse.

'We'll look for them on the way,' Kev added.

-

'Ok. Bye,' Ian hung up the phone. Mickey was curled up on the sofa, silent tears leaking down his cheeks. Ian knew it was pointless to ask if he was ok. He sat beside him and pulled him into his chest, holding him again. Mickey leaned into him, trying to bury himself in the embrace. 'Kev and V are on their way. We'll figure something out. We'll find them. I promise,' he told him.

'Yeah. Ok,' Mickey replied.

They were quiet for a few moments before Ian spoke. ‘You know, I have bipolar disorder? Yeah. I take meds every day. They work mostly but sometimes I have really, really bad days. Not as bad as when I was like seventeen, eighteen. I used to lie in bed for days and days. I couldn’t get up. I’d be awake but not truly. My family were kind of shitty about it. I think they wanted to distance themselves. They were scared I was becoming my mother. About two years before I was diagnosed, Mom had been doing the exact same thing. Lying in bed for days, crying, not talking, not eating. And after that had been going on a while, she - she slit her wrists in the kitchen. When went in, there was blood everywhere. She was on the floor. Just - so much blood. And she was still crying. On thanksgiving and everything.’

'Did she - did she die?' Mickey asked softly.

'No. We got her to the hospital in time. But my family - and me too - all of us were scared that I would inevitably do that. So they kept their distance a while. To try and avoid being hurt. But I couldn't avoid myself. I couldn't walk away. So I was left there, alone, just laying there. And I thought death was inevitable, too.'

'And did you?'

Ian was quiet for a second. ‘You’ve seen the scars.’

'Oh. That's…I didn't realise.' Mickey paused. 'I'm sorry.'

'No, no don't be. You didn't know. I just - I wanted to tell you because you've been so honest and so bare with me. I wanted to tell you. I've not told many people. They get scared and they run. And I get scared and I run too.'

'I'm not going anywhere,' Mickey said, lacing his finger through Ian's, 'it's a wonder you didn't run when you found out my secrets.'

'I wouldn't do that,' Ian told him. They were looking at each other now, and Ian ran his hand through Mickey's hair. And Mickey leaned up to kiss him.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. ‘That’s them,’ Mickey said, going to get the door. Kev and Veronica entered.

'We drove around a little but we can't see them,' Veronica said, not wasting time with greetings.

'Yeah, which prison is Terry in? I googled Ohio prisons and there's like twenty.'

'State Penitentiary,' Mickey answered. 'Fuck. I told Yev not to do this, and he promised.'

'He's probably not thinking clearly,' Ian said. 'He ran out in such a state. His world was kind of shaken up. I wouldn't be surprised if he changes his mind on the way and turns back.'

'Yeah that's true. But the girls are with him. I can't believe they went along with this. Gem maybe but Amy's usually the sensible one,' Kev considered.

'Look, let's think realistically. They can't drive, they can't afford to fly. They're either taking a bus or a train,' Veronica said steadily.

'I don't even know where abouts in Ohio the prison is. Not like I've visited,' Mickey said.

Ian was on his phone, finding it on a map. ‘Oh shit. It’s near the Pennsylvania border.’

'So…that's far?' Kev asked.

'Yes,' said all three of them.

'It's useless to try and chase them or whatever, we don't know which way they've gone, or how they're getting there. Maybe we should just get to Ohio as fast as we can and hang around near the prison or something, I don't know,' Kev suggested.

'Not a bad idea, actually,' Ian said.

'How do we beat them?'

'Drive directly? They're gonna have layovers and shit. Buses and trains take longer routes, don't they? Stopping in a bunch of cities,' Mickey told them.

Ian nodded. ‘Want me to drive?’ he asked, grabbing his jacket.

'You're coming?' Mickey asked in surprise.

'It's your kid. He's in danger. Of course I'm coming,' Ian told him.

Mickey smiled a little and turned to Kev and V. ‘You guys want to come too?’

'Not squashed up in the back of your car,' Veronica said. 'We're taking ours. We won't be able to all get back with one car, anyway. Three kids and all,' she explained.

Ian consulted his map app. ‘Ok. We can probably make it to Columbus by like 2am. Then we’ll head for the prison first thing in the morning. We can sleep in the cars, right?’ They all nodded. ‘Ok. Mick, grab any shit you need and lets go, yeah?’ Mickey nodded, kissed him quickly and headed upstairs.

'You two seem good for each other,' Kev told him. 'Just wish I wasn't telling you under these circumstances.'

'Yeah, me too man,' Ian said.

Veronica gave him a hug. ‘We should head back too. Get some clothes and then set off. We’ll keep our phones on so we can talk, yeah?’

Ian nodded as Mickey came back downstairs. ‘Let’s go find them.’

// please like/comment and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


	6. Chapter 6

Yev was sharing Gemma’s iPod, an earbud each, as he tried to ignore the nauseous feeling in his stomach. He told himself it was just from the way the bus was shaking them, but he knew that wasn’t true. He was worried about the way he’d left things with his Dad, and he was scared about what they were going to do. But mostly he couldn’t stop thinking about his Dad’s past.

'Hey, can we change the song?' he asked her. 'I'm not in the mood for this right now,' he gestured to the Nirvana album that was playing. 'Just…something quieter.'

She nodded. ‘Sure. Taylor Swift?’

'Whatever, as long it's not full of pounding drums and bass. It's giving me a headache.'

'Yeah, you secretly love her,' Gemma grinned as she put the old album on shuffle. Yev didn't have the energy to retaliate (especially since she was telling the truth) so he just smiled and let the music play.

They’d been on the bus for over two hours. It would take three hours to drive non-stop directly to Indianapolis, but the bus had a bunch of stops and they had traffic to contend with. Amy had long since fallen asleep, but not before she’s suggested turning off their phones so that Yev’s Dad wouldn’t call them. They weren’t going to be there until after midnight. And they had no idea what they were going to do when they got there. Yev felt a little guilty for dragging them into this, or at least for not waiting until the next day.

Caught up in his thoughts, he’d only been half listening to the music - but then the lyrics in the song started to jump out at him. And then it got to the bridge and he began to cry; ‘I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger’ was the last straw. Gemma turned, seeing his tears, as the song continued - ‘I had the best days with you’ - she hurriedly stopped the track.

'Shit, I didn't think,' she apologised, finding a packet of tissues.

'It's fine. It's nothing,' Yev said as he accepted the tissues gratefully. 'Everything just seems to be hitting me harder,' he explained quietly. 'And that song…it just reminded me of when I was a kid. And everything I did with Dad.' He paused. 'He must have overcome so much just because I was born.'

-

 

Ian was making his way out of Chicago, thinking it was good he’d decided to drive because Mickey seemed too stressed. He’d calmed down a little but he was still distracted. Not that Ian blamed him; he had every right to be so.

'Traffic's ridiculous,' Mickey commented from beside him.

'They'll be caught in it too,' Ian reasoned.

'Thats true. Good I've got you with me, huh?'

'Happy to be here. Not happy happy at the circumstances.' Mickey nodded, briefly clasping Ian's hand where it rested on the gearstick. 'What are you gonna say when you see him?'

Mickey thought for a moment. ‘I don’t know. I just want to make sure he’s ok. And stop him from getting near my fucking Dad,’ he sighed. ‘I’ll probably just hug him before I say anything.’

'You're such a natural father,' Ian said. 'A good one, too.'

Mickey shrugged. ‘I try. I think when you love your kid, the rest comes pretty easily. It doesn’t feel like hard work - although it is, of course it is - but it doesn’t feel hard. Kind of like back in school, when you had to do a presentation on something you actually liked. The effort was worth it and you enjoy it. Y’know?’

'Yeah. That's a pretty interesting way of putting it,' he smiled. You ever miss high school?'

Mickey laughed. ‘Fuck no. I mean, it was nice to have a reason to be out of my house and away from my dad for six hours, but I hated school. Dropped out. But Yev came along. So I stopped messing around and got my GED. That was easy as hell, and then I started community college classes.’

'What'd you study?'

'I'd always liked math, and I was good at it too, so that was only logical. But I did some business classes too. And I set up a beauty salon.'

'Sorry…what?' Ian asked, amused, in disbelief.

'I know, it's super gay or whatever.'

'No, no - it just seems like a strange choice.'

'Yeah, well it wasn't my first idea. I was initially thinking, like, dry cleaning, car washing - something practical that people need, yeah?'

'So why the change of direction?'

Mickey paused. ‘I used to be a pimp,’ he confessed. Ian didn’t say anything. ‘Not like I’m proud of it. I had no option.’

'I'm not judging you,' Ian assured him hastily.

'I probably screwed them over with the money a little, but I made sure they had a place to live, and food. And I never hurt them. But anyway, I was gradually winding it down, because of Yev and all. Then Svetlana pointed out that all the girls were gonna be pissed at me if they were all out of a job. So I explained the dry cleaning idea, she said I should look at hair and beauty, saying the girls could work since they'd actually know about that, and I'd have all my staff already. Lose the risk of a bunch of angry prostitutes on my back, plus a lower turnover rate since it wouldn't matter if they got too old or whatever. And who wouldn't pick giving manicures over giving a blowjob? It worked out for all of us. And then Kev and V let me convert the space above the alibi into a salon, since that's where we'd been operating already. So the location was sorted. So…that's how I came to own three beauty salons in Chicago,' he explained.

'Three? Ian asked, clearly impressed.

'We kept expanding. There's infinite demand for spray tans and eyebrow threading,' Mickey said, a little brighter since Ian clearly approved.

'Mick, you don't look like you've ever had a spray tan in your life,' they both laughed, 'but seriously, congrats. That's fantastic.'

'Yeah, I do alright. And it's a little nicer knowing that the police don't have any reason to be chasing after me anymore.'

'I'll bet.'

They were quiet for a few minutes.

'So does your family know you're gay?'

'Oh, yeah. My brother, Lip, figured it out when I was fifteen. I had some pictures cut out of magazines, and he found them. He was kind of unsure at first but came around pretty quick. He never gave me any crap about it. Then I told my sister Fiona a few months after that. Turned out she knew already but still. She was cool with it. My Dad saw me fucking a boy from school but he didn't care. I didn't care what he thought because he's a piece of shit, but it was good to know he didn't mind. He told my Mom - and she's actually bisexual, so it's not as if she'd be anything but supportive. That was kind of weird, because Fiona and Lip accepted me and didn't have a problem with me - but Mom actually embraced it and she said I should celebrate it. Said I should be proud. It wasn't like I was ever ashamed of being gay but I wasn't, like, going to gay bars and marching in pride parades and shit. I kept to myself and didn't draw attention to it. But Mom…I mean, she was fucked up in a lot of ways, but not about this. After that, I stopped walking around like I had something to hide and I stopped taking shit. I didn't come out to people - I wasn't stupid, my neighbourhood would've ripped me apart - but I kissed guys and fucked them unapologetically, without being secretive anymore. And I wouldn't exactly deny it if people asked me.' Ian paused. 'Then Jimmy found out because - well. Ok, so Mom had taken me to gay bar. And I liked it. I liked being surrounded by other gay people. I didn't have to hide or worry and we were all on common ground. Everyone knew about everyone. And no one cared. And, I mean, the guys were hot, and that didn't hurt. I like that I could just approach anyone without worrying they'd scream that they weren't gay, or that they'd hit me for it. So, anyway, a few nights after that, I went back. Alone. And I met this guy. Ned. He was older - a lot older - but he was nice. And he was hot, you know, in a George Clooney kind of way. And he - he fucking knew sex. I was hardly a virgin but Ned screwed like he had a degree from fucktown university. Lots of experience, I guess,' he glanced at Mickey, 'not as good as you,' he added quickly.

Mickey shrugged. ‘I’m not jealous of some geriatric viagroid,’ he said bluntly.

Ian laughed dryly. ‘What we had was only about sex, ok? Nothing real. We didn’t talk about feelings and shit. I mean, he helped me with homework sometimes - he was a doctor - but it wasn’t a relationship. So, long story short, it turned out that Ned was Jimmy’s Dad. Jimmy is Fiona’s husband. And that’s how he found out. He was seriously freaked out…and then Carl and Debbie pretty much figured it out. They saw me with guys. Kev and V around the same time, I think. Although I don’t know if Fiona told V before that. And then I think Debbie told Liam at some point. So…yeah. My family know I’m gay. Sorry for the super long answer,’ he finished.

'No, I like listening to you,' Mickey said. 'That's great. That they accept you, still love you. I only have Mandy left,' he explained.

'You had a big family before?'

Mickey nodded. ‘Yeah. My brothers Iggy and Joe, plus two other brothers, but they left when I was a kid so I don’t remember them anyway. But I had three uncles and a shitload of cousins. But they all split on me when I came out. Mandy stayed. She didn’t care. I think she might have figured it out herself before I told everyone. She was the only one who ever really loved me, I think,’ he told Ian sadly. They were quiet a moment, and Ian clasped his hand, leaning to briefly kiss Mickey’s temple. ‘And now I have Lana and Nika, and Kev and V. And Yev. I guess I sort of made my own family when mine failed me.’

'You don't deserve what you went through. You have to know that. I hope you know that.' The fuel icon lit up on the dashboard, beeping to alert them. 'Let's stop for gas,' Ian suggested, pulling into the exit lane. 'Text Kev and V that they can keep going. We'll catch them up.' Mickey held his hand for a moment longer, unspeaking, and then reached for his phone.

When Ian stepped out of the car to fill it up, Mickey got out too. Ian glanced up at him. ‘You doing ok?’ Mickey nodded uncertainly.

He waited until Ian had replaced the pump in its holder, and then Mickey gently pulled him into a hug. ‘Thank you. Just - thank you. For everything, driving, saying that stuff in the car. Being here. With me. For me,’ he said quietly.

'Of course,' Ian replied, holding him tight. Then Mickey pulled back a little and kissed him. 'Like you said,' Ian began, 'the work's not hard when you like it.'

Mickey went inside to pay for the gas and to buy coffees, and Ian sat on the hood of the car. He took out his phone and dialled.

'Hello?'

'Hey Fi. It's Ian.'

'Hey! You ok?' she asked. 'I heard about the girls and Mickey's kid going missing. You with him?'

'Yeah I'm with Mickey. I was just calling to say - just to say thanks.'

'Thanks? For what?' she laughed.

'Thanks for being cool when I told you I was gay. Thanks for not making me feel shitty about it, thanks for not kicking me out. Thanks for - for not trying to make me straight. Thanks for not bashing me,' he said earnestly.

'Ian there's no need to thank me for being a decent human being. I would never do any of those things. Jesus, what's gotten into you? You ok?'

'Yeah, I'm good. I just…I just realised that I'm fucking lucky. Mostly because of you. You and Lip, and Carl and Debbie and Liam. All of you guys. Me being gay, it could have gone a very different way if you'd wanted it to. But you accepted me and loved me. I wasn't unsafe. I wasn't left on my own. And I've never thanked you for that. So, thanks.'

She was quiet for a moment. ‘Like I said, no need to thank me. But you’re my little brother. I love you. I’ve always loved you and nothing would stop that. Especially not you being gay. Family doesn’t turn its back. It sticks together and loves each other, protects each other, above everything.’

'I know, I know. I'm just glad that my family has always subscribed to those values because some families…they have no values at all. And I never fully appreciated that until now,' he told her quietly, seeing Mickey exit the store. 'I gotta go. I love you.'

'Love you too,' she said, still sounding puzzled as he hung up.

-

They’d arrived in Indianapolis at nearly one AM. Then they’d headed to the train station, which was a half hour walk. They were exhausted, only to discover that the first train to Columbus wasn’t until six-thirty. Five hours. So they traipsed into a waiting room and decided to sleep. They used their bags as pillows, to avoid them being stolen. It was freezing, and they were shivering madly. They tried to ignore the two homeless people sleeping there too. They weren’t all that different tonight.

Yev had apologised to them again and they had shrugged it off again. The three of them huddled together and closed their eyes so that they couldn’t see their breath on the air.

-

'I bought lattes!' Amy said brightly as she approached.

'You're awesome,' Yev said as he took one.

'What about some food, I'm fucking starving,' Gemma said shirtily. Unlike her sister, she was not really a morning person.

'Donuts. And you're welcome,' Amy rolled her eyes as she passed her a brown paper bag. Gemma sunk her teeth into the sweet dough and moaned in satisfaction.

'Fucking hell, that's how you react to breakfast?' Yev asked.

'It is the most important meal,' Gemma said through a mouthful of jam and sugar. 'Oh look the train's almost here!'

They all looked, and indeed could see the train approaching. ‘Columbus here we come,’ Amy said.

Yev’s eyes stayed glued to the train, still holding the donut bag in his hand. He didn’t feel hungry anymore.

// please like/comment and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


	7. Chapter 7

It was 8am, and they were on the road again after just five hours of sleep. Mickey was driving this time. They’d scarfed down some breakfast burritos from a roadside cafe, and were now gulping the last of their coffee. It was a good three hour drive to the prison.

'You tried calling him again?' Ian asked from the drivers seat.

'Yeah. Phone's still off. Probably on purpose,' Mickey sighed.

Ian nodded. They were quiet for a moment. ‘You know, I ran away for a while. When I was seventeen. I just needed to get away for a bit. I didn’t love my   
family any less. And I knew they’d be worried, and I felt bad about that. I thought about them all the time. And I’m sure Yev is thinking about you too. I know he is. And he knows you’re worried.’

'Then why did he do this?'

Ian considered. ‘We’ve all got to run sometimes.’

Mickey sighed. ‘I just - Ian, I’m worried that my entire relationship with him is destroyed. You saw how he was.’

'I don't know what to say.'

'No, it's fine. Don't worry. I'm sorry you got dragged into this,' Mickey apologised.

Ian shook his head. ‘I feel like this past twenty four hours, we’ve moved from just seeing each other, to being in an actual relationship.’ He paused. ‘If that’s what you want, I mean.’ Mickey was silent, hands gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white, eyes fixed on the road. ‘Shit, I’m sorry. I know it’s not the time. It’s too soon. Just forget it, please,’ Ian begged, kicking himself internally.

'No,' Mickey said quietly. 'I'm not - I'm just a little overwhelmed. I've never - nobody's ever wanted to be with me in that way. I've never really let anyone in, but still. It's been this way so long that I'd just resigned myself to being alone forever. And now you've come along and you've changed everything. And now you say you want to be with me. I just - I can't quite believe it. You really want me?'

'Yes. Yes, Mickey, I want you. All of you, the good, the bad. The beauty and the mess. Through smiles and tears. Every last little piece of you, every scrap.'

'But why me? Why do you want me, out of everyone you could have?'

Ian stared at him, incredulous. ‘How can you even ask me that? It’s like you look at yourself and you don’t see it.’

'See what?'

'You. I'm looking at you, Mick, and you're so wonderful. So unique, special. And the fact that you can't even see it just kills me. You deserve to see it. You need to see it.'

'Nah. I think I'm too fucked up to see it,' Mickey said quietly, voice choked up a little. 'And I certainly don't see how you're here and not out there looking for something better. Someone better. Because trust me, he's out there. A thousand of him.'

'No. There's no-one better. I've had relationships, ok? And believe me, none of them have felt like this. But then, none of them were with you. I really feel, I do, I feel like I could give you love. In time.'

Mickey didn’t say anything. He pulled over and stopped. Then he clasped his hands to his mouth, breathing deep to calm himself down as silent tears crept down his face, eyes closed. He was shaking. Ian rested a hand on his shoulder, and then Mickey undid his seatbelt so he could be closer to Ian. After a moment, he calmed down a little, and held Ian’s hand, absently running a thumb over his freckled knuckles. ‘Nobody’s ever loved me. I’ve always seen all the reasons why but none of the reasons why they should.’ He sniffed. ‘Ian, I think - I think I could love you too.’

Ian smiled, tilted Mickey’s chin up gently. ‘Good,’ he said simply, and then kissed him slow. ‘I want to kiss you when things are great but I want to kiss you when things are shitty. I want to kiss it all, all away until it’s just us. You and me, bare, no walls.’

'Yeah. Yeah I'd like that,' Mickey replied, kissing him back a little. They were interrupted by a tap at the window.

It was Veronica. ‘Quit making out, we got three kids to find!’ she yelled, but she winked as she walked back to her car. Mickey and Ian laughed for a moment before Mickey started up the car again and they got back on the road.

-

The two hour train journey was going pretty fast. Yev had just gotten back from the bathroom for the third time. He’d just stood over the little toilet, each time, feeling like he was about to throw up. He never did. And they were due to arrive into Columbus in fifteen minutes.

'So what do we do when we get to Columbus?' Amy asked.

Gemma glanced at the pale, unresponsive Yev. ‘I think it’s like another two hours to the prison,’ she said, taking out her phone and checking. ‘More like two hours forty five minutes,’ she amended glumly.

'So…three hours,' Yev said. 'I'm sorry. If you want to go home, it's fine.'

Amy shook her head. ‘No, don’t be stupid. We came all this way, we’re not turning back now. And we’re certainly not letting you do this alone.’ Gemma nodded in agreement.

Yev smiled a little. ‘You guys are the best. Seriously. The best. I don’t know what I’d do without you,’ he told them, pulling them in for a hug.

'Get laid?' Gemma suggested sarcastically, and they all laughed. She'd successfully lightened the mood, and Yev no longer felt like he was going to throw up his guts as they pulled into the station.

-

The three of them approached the information desk to get directions. The attendant explained that there were only two buses per week that went directly to the prison. Defeated, they slipped into one of the station cafes. They were cold and thirsty. Gemma bought juices and they huddled in a corner.

'I guess this was kind of a pointless trip. I should've checked this stuff,' Yev apologised.

Amy was consulting google maps. ‘No. I think we can still do this,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Let me just search bus schedules.’ They waited as she typed and scrolled. ‘Ok. The nearest major stop is Youngstown. We get a train there, it takes a little under an hour. We stop and get lunch or something. Then we walk five miles to the prison.’

'Five miles?' Gemma asked.

'It'll take, like, an hour and a half. There is literally no other option.'

Yev didn’t say anything. He couldn’t ask them to do this.

'Good thing I wore sneakers,' Gemma said brightly. He raised his eyebrows.

'You're really going to walk all that way? Just so I can visit some asshole?'

'Hell yeah. As long as we get gummy bears. I am not walking an hour and a half with no gummy bears,' Amy said firmly.

-

Mickey and Ian were finally approaching Lincoln Park, which they knew was pretty close to the prison. There’d been a crash, meaning a traffic jam, and then a diversion, which had added a good forty minutes to their journey. They’d endured several angry phone call from Kev and V, whose car was a little behind theirs.

But now they were getting close. ‘Are you ok?’ Ian asked.

Mickey shrugged. ‘I guess. It just - it didn’t hit me until now. My Dad is ten minutes away from me.’ Ian nodded, clasping his hand supportively. ‘He’s been so far away for years. I knew he’d be back at some point. But I thought it wouldn’t be until he got released. In a few years. And I sure as hell never thought I’d be the one going towards him.’

'You're not, though. You're not going in there. You're not gonna see him. He won't even know you were here.'

'I know but it's still…it's strange. And I don't like it.'

Ian was about to respond, when he saw three figures walking by the side of the road. ‘Mick?’ he pointed.

'Shit, that's them,' he said. Before Ian could say another word, Mickey clumsily pulled the car over, got out and began running. 'Yev! YEV!'

// please comment/like and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


	8. Chapter 8

The boy turned around, and indeed, it was his son. His face was shocked, but momentarily became frightened and apprehensive. Mickey caught up to him. ‘Dad - I -’ he began, worried, apologetic; but Mickey grabbed him, pulling him into a fiercely protective hug. Yev fell into it, burying his head into his Dad’s jacket, crying. ‘I’m sorry,’ he sobbed.

'You fucking scared me,' Mickey said, holding his son tight. 'Don't ever do that again. Shit, Yev.'

-

Gemma and Amy had been taken by Kev and Veronica, back to Chicago. The adults had decided to meet later, back home, and get pizza. As they hit the road, just the three guys were left. Ian tactfully slipped off to give Mickey and Yev some alone time. They went back to the car and Mickey turned on the heat.

The two of them stared at the empty stretch of road before them. A large grey concrete building loomed up ahead, some distance away. They’d been looking at it in silence for several minutes when Mickey finally spoke.

'Why, Yev?'

Yev considered before answering. ‘Ever since you first told me about him last month, I’ve been thinking about visiting him. And then last night…I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was completely shaken up. I didn’t - I started questioning everything.’

'About what?'

He paused. ‘I didn’t see how - you could love me,’ he said quietly.

'Of course I fucking love you. You are my son,' Mickey told him firmly.

'But the only reason you have a son is because you were - raped,' Yev said quietly. 'How do you not look at Mom and me and feel reminded? And how, Dad, how do you not hate us…how do you not hate me?'

Mickey sighed, head in his hands. ‘Ok,’ he said after a moment, ‘ok. You want me to be totally honest? Ok. After the whole - incident - my Dad fucked off to his brother’s place for a bit. Fuck knows why. And I was - I was trying to move on from it, forget about it. Dad came back after a couple of weeks, treated me exactly the same as always. Few weeks after that, your Mom shows up at the house. Says she’s pregnant. And I felt like I was having a heart attack or something. Soon as she’s told us, Dad makes us get married -‘

'What?!' Yev interjected.

'I paid the minister to never actually file it. We were never really married. Dad didn't know, though. Anyway. She moves in. And I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand to be around her. I'd just started to move past it all, and now here she was, in my house. Sharing my bed. I avoided her as much as I could. And then she kept getting bigger. And every time I saw her, I just thought of some poor little baby coming out of her who I'd never be able to look at, let alone hold. Let alone love.'

He paused. ‘She and I never even had a conversation until after you were born. I couldn’t even make myself go to the hospital. I think you were almost a week old before your Mom confronted me with you. She was holding you, but I couldn’t see your face. You were all bundled up. And I didn’t want to see you, and I didn’t want to listen to her. I sat on the bed, faced the wall. Told her to fuck off. And I thought she’d gone but she hadn’t. She was watching me cry. And she sat across from me and said, ‘Mickey, I know you hate me. I hated you for a while too. But more than that, I hated what happened. And I’m sorry, I am so sorry. I know you’re gay. And I don’t expect you to love me, and I don’t expect you to be there for me. Honestly, I don’t need you to and I don’t want you to. I have a girlfriend for those things. But Mickey, this is your son. And you’re always going to regret it if you don’t at least try. Trust me. I know it’s hard. It was hard for me too. And I had to carry him inside me. Look, either way, we were dealt a really shitty hand, and now we’ve got to live with it. But I won’t let you be absent from his life.’ And then I turned around, after a long moment, and she gave me a one armed hug, clutching you in the other. And it was nice. To feel supported and accepted like that. This was before anyone knew I was gay - Mandy, Kev, they didn’t know. Really, your Mom was the first who knew.

Anyway. I remember, I sort of reached out for you. I felt scared and sick when she handed you over. But then I was holding you. For the first time. And your little blue eyes locked on mine. I was unfamiliar to you, and you started to whimper a little, but after a moment you settled. You were so fucking small. And in that moment, everything melted away. I realised that you were my entire life, now. And you hadn’t asked to be born, and you hadn’t asked to come into my life. I didn’t want to let go of you. I held you in my arms and you slipped into my heart. Looking at you, I didn’t even think of the rape. You were bigger than that,’ he turned to look at his son. ‘I don’t feel reminded of it when I look at you. I haven’t for sixteen years. Enough love can erase almost anything. But Yev, at the end of the day, you are not the rape. I don’t look at you and see something that you’re not. In my mind, and your Mom’s, you have always been separate from that. All that you are is my son. My son. Who I love. Who I’ve always loved. I don’t love you in spite of it, I don’t love you regardless of it - it doesn’t play any part in my love for you, it isn’t a factor. I love you and that’s the truth of it. Please, please fucking believe me.’

Yev was quiet. He just nodded slightly after a few minutes. He leaned across the car and awkwardly, tearfully hugged his father. ‘I’m sorry I said those things. I’m sorry I ran off. I’m sorry, Dad. I love you too.’

Mickey shook his head. ‘I understand why you said those things, and why you ran. It’s alright.’ After a moment, he spoke again, ‘wanna get some air?’

Yev nodded and they got out of the car. Ian, who’d been standing behind the car - out of view - and a fair distance away, saw them. Mickey waved him over. Ian clapped Yev gently on his shoulder, and then came to Mickey. Yev watched his father unconsciously take Ian’s hand and hold onto it, like Ian was keeping him grounded.

'Everything alright?' Ian asked. Mickey nodded.

'Yeah. We're good,' he answered, kissing Yev's temple. They all stayed like that for a few minutes, leaning on the hood of the car, still facing the prison. 'He's in there,' Mickey said quietly. 'He's just up the road. He doesn't know I'm here. He's so fucking close. It's - it's kind of insane.'

'Dad?' Yev began. Mickey looked at him, waiting for him to continue. 'Dad, I - I want to go in. I want to talk to him.'

Mickey sighed and looked away. He pursed his lips, thinking. He was torn. And it was evident on his face.

'Please.'

'You're not gonna let this go, are you?'

'I'm a Milkovich.'

Mickey laughed softly, but his eyes were still fearful. ‘Fuck it. Yeah you can go. But I’m coming with you.’

Yev raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you sure?’

'I'm not letting you do this alone. Besides, it's about time I caught up with dear old Daddy.'

// please like/comment, and send me prompts on tumblr, mrsmelchiorgabor.tumblr.com :) //


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